Happy Birthday Bodhi!

The day has finally arrived! It almost feels like I've been waiting for May 7th, 2009 since May 7th, 2008! Bodhi's 1st birthday - incredible. We made it! A friend said to us this morning - the 1st birthday is more for the parents - you should be congratulating each other and celebrating that you got through it! Well today marks one year with Bodhi, one year of parenting for Dan and I, and one year since the creation of our family. A big day. As the days go on, parts of Bodhi's actual date of birth seem to be dwindling away from my memory and I wanted to take this opportunity to write down Bodhi's birth story so that he can one day read it and be able to know his whole life story. So here goes....

On May 6th, 2008 at 4am, I woke up to my water breaking (which of course made me extremely happy - mostly because I had been so stressed that it would happen in public). We called Sarah, our midwife, and she came over to examine the situation. Bodhi had been resting really high in the womb for the whole pregnancy and that day was no exception. Because of the worry that the umbilical cord could very easily get caught between Bodhi's head and my pelvis, we knew right then that it would not be a home birth. So off we went to the hospital for observation. Now, at this point, having no frame of reference of my own, I understood that after your water breaks you go into labour. Unfortunately, not so much the case for us! The rest of the day was spent going back and forth between home and the hospital to get doses of antibiotics every 4 hours (I was GBS positive). At 11:30 that night we finally headed off to the hospital for the last time - but still no labour. The plan was to induce labour if Bodhi still wasn't on his way out 24 hours after my water breaking - so 4am on May 7th. And they did just that.

At 4am on May 7th, 2008 I was put on an IV drip of Oxytocin to give Bodhi a little encouragement! Because of the IV and the fear that the umbilical cord would get caught (Bodhi's head was still not engaged at this point), I was only allowed to get up to use the washroom. So much for all of the labour positions that Dan and I had been practicing for months! The only position I was allowed was flat on my back. After about 3 hours the contractions started and were extremely painful. Apparently when the contractions are induced they are quite a bit more painful because there is no rest in between each one. So the contractions would start coming about every 2 minutes but between each one it would just get a little less painful, it would never go away entirely. Horrible! At about 12pm I had endured enough and asked the nurse for an epidural. The epidural brought pain relief and I was able to sleep on and off for the next few hours. Unfortunately the epidural kept wearing off and had to be readjusted a couple of times. At this point I had been in labour for 12 hours and was 6cm dilated. By 9:45pm (18 hours in) I was 9cm dilated and Bodhi's head was still high - no engagement! Bodhi, what were you doing in there?! It was at this point that the decision needed to be made. By 10pm the epidural had worn off entirely, I was completely exhausted and the doctor explained to me that there was a very high likelihood that this was not going to go the way we had planned. We had known throughout the pregnancy that Bodhi's head was a little on the large side (to put it gently) and knew that there was a strong possibility that there would be a problem with "fit". And so it came to be that I was taken into the operating room at 10:30pm.

Dan was sent to put on scrubs (and get the camera) and I was left in the operating room with the midwife (we were so happy to know that even though care was transferred to the surgeon, Sarah was still there to assist with the delivery and to act as baby nurse). While Dan was out of the room, I had to sit up on the table to get the spinal and just before they put in the needle I felt another contraction coming. I sat facing Sarah with my hands on her shoulders for support and my head down to prepare myself. To distract myself from the pain of the contraction I read the card that was hanging around Sarah's neck. On the card were all of the different "codes" that the doctors use in the hospital - I thought nothing of it at the time. I lay down, Dan came in, and there was such an air of joy and excitement in the room. I was making jokes, the nurses were all smiling - I'm so glad now that Bodhi was born into a room with such great energy. As I was joking with one of the doctors, I said to him "are they going to start the surgery now?" - to which he replied "honey, they're almost done!". I had no idea. I lay there and listened for the crying to start and to hear my sweet boy's voice for the first time, but I heard nothing. The next thing I know they're calling "code pink". All I could think to myself was "what was that on the card - what was code pink on the card around Sarah's neck?" and then I remembered that it was the code for infant resuscitation. Bodhi wasn't breathing. They cut the cord and he didn't start breathing. The next two minutes were the longest two minutes of my life. I was still lying on the operating table, completely paralyzed and I couldn't see a thing. Dan was next to me and could see it all. He kept reassuring me - "he's going to be fine, he's going to be fine" - that's all everyone kept saying. I didn't find out until later that Dan was watching Sarah do CPR on Bodhi's little flopping body. Then I heard a little cough - then suction. A little cry - more suction. And then there it was - a big healthy cry. Bodhi was taken straight to the scale to be weighed and I finally got to see him. He was about 6 or 7 feet to my right. For one fleeting moment I saw the most beautiful thing I will ever see - the first time I saw my baby. He was taken immediately to the NICU and neither Dan or I were able to hold him.

The strange part is I don't remember feeling sad. I was taken to the recovery room where my mom was able to join me (Dan went with Bodhi) and for some reason I was only worried about making sure she was okay. Call it mother's intuition but I just knew he was going to be okay. And he was. Not even 10 minutes after his tumultuous birth, the pediatrician went in to see him and told us that had he not been told the birth story, he would've been very confused as to why he was being asked to see this baby. He was in perfect health. My first pang of sadness came when another woman was brought into the recovery room, her husband by her side with a new baby in his arms. I guess that was the first moment that it really hit me that he was supposed to be with me.

Bodhi was born at 11pm on May 7th, 2008 and 12 hours later he was in my arms. We were meeting for the first time and didn't even skip a beat. Those 12 hours didn't lose us any time or any bonding or anything else. And at 11:15am he snuggled into my arms, had his first drink and fell asleep there.

One year later he is 15 pounds heavier, 10 inches taller and so alive with personality, but it's still those moments when we sit on the couch together, he nestles into my chest and falls fast asleep that all of those scary moments wash away and I am thankful with all that I am that I have this happy, healthy, wonderful little boy. Bodhi, you are so loved.

Happy 1st Birthday Bodhi!!!!